Just a Phase

Well, the honeymoon is over. For Sam, that is. Our tenderhearted son who was dancing for joy at the airport less than a fortnight ago has vanished, and in his place we’re working with a different, more challenging character. To be fair, on occasion the clouds will part and his giddy laugh shines through. But it’s been a challenging week on the home front, and Dawn’s referee patience is being stretched. [Mine is too, of course, but she has to deal with most of it.] Kate continues to adjust extremely well, which is a big blessing. And she doesn’t shun Sam [yet] when he bullies or barks at her. Today he was watching Diego for a bit, still wearing his frown, and Kate brought him his Diego doll, totally unprompted. He took the doll and threw it across the room. Fortunately, so far the rejection doesn’t seem to bother her much. The other day we went to the mall with Dawn’s parents, and Sam recommended to her Mom that “we should leave Kate at the mall.” A lot of folks have laughed when I tell them that, and hopefully we’ll join you in that laughter someday soon. But until then, we’ll recite the motto of parents of teenagers, after they lose control and their kids start selling crack out of their basement: “it’s just a phase.” Perhaps coincidentally, on Sunday our pastor Pete was talking about how parents have a lot of the same challenges as our kids, like selfishness, but we’re just a little better at masking it. Maybe he was talking about me.

Speaking of church, Kate did great on her first visit to this strange new environment. We’ve noticed a trend with her at the pool, at church, at a busy playground in the mall: she’s super shy for the first 20 minutes or so, sitting in Dawn’s lap, scoping out the scene. Then she gradually moves her way from the lap to the floor, first standing nearby and then venturing out. And within 30 minutes, she’s doing her thing, having a great time [especially at the pool]. It’s been really interesting to watch her in these situations, interacting with other kids a bit, venturing into new territory. I mean, she’s never been to a mall before, or to a rock-n-roll church, or even a pool. Pretty much everywhere we take her is a “first” for her, and I keep wondering “man, what is she thinking?” One of the families in our China travel group adopted a 10 year old boy, and that must be really wild for them to experience so many firsts. We realize that storms may come with Kate as she goes through other stages of the transition, but so far, she’s embracing all of this newness and showing us how sweet she can be.

And we know that at some point, Sam’s sweet side will return, because he was a super kid before last week. But his world has been rocked more than he can comprehend. Today he told Dawn “let’s go to our other house, just me and you.” We don’t have another house, but after some interrogation, Dawn figured out that he was referring to a beach house we stayed in on vacation in June. And he routinely turns on his angry voice and tells Kate ‘my no like my sister. She go back to China!” Thankfully she doesn’t understand his words yet, but his tone comes across clear enough. But pretty soon, he’ll realize she’s here to stay, and maybe he’ll accept the Diego peace offering and join her as she dives into the pool for another adventure.