True Colors

I don’t want to jinx anything, but I think maybe the grandparents are finally out of Kate’s doghouse. There didn’t seem to be a silver bullet, a secret code word, or one magical gift. The gifts did seem to help though, along with determination, patience, a sewing machine and a wheelbarrow. It’s refreshing to finally see the real Kate on display around the grandparents.

Last week, Dawn took the kids to my parents’ house, and since Kate was doing well, she figured it was time to leave her there while she took Sam to get a flu shot. Kate has been acting more comfortable at their house every time we go, but we’ve never left her there. After a long wait at CVS for the flu shot, and no SOS phone call from the ‘rents, Dawn pulled back into the neighborhood and was surprised to see my Dad approaching the main entrance, several blocks from the house, pushing a wheelbarrow. “That’s too bad that he had to work while Kate was at the house,” she thought. Until she saw Kate, riding in her wheelbarrow-chariot like a princess with her big grin. Thankfully the wheelbarrow and its “motor” had capacity for two, because Sam wasn’t about to sit on the sidelines for that one.

The previous weekend we took Kate on her inaugural trip to the North Georgia mountains. Even though the Dahlonega area was home for 3-4 generations of their Seabolt forefathers, Sam and Kate were somehow more interested in the colossal pumpkins at Burt’s Pumpkin Farm. And truth be told, the pumpkins are really in third place at Burt’s in their minds, behind the hayride, the tractor, and just slightly ahead of the popcorn. Kate snuggled up with Aunt Sharon and took in all that the hayride and the north Georgia fall had to offer.

Then we made our way to the Athens area for a grandparent double-header. The drizzling rain was no obstacle for the kids on their farm feeding routine. I mean, how will those fish survive in the rain if we don’t throw some food in the lake, right?

Dawn’s mom inquired about the kids’ costume plans for Halloween, and Sam shared his latest idea: a ghost. We’re still lobbying for the Curious George angle, by the way, but “Nini” [dawn’s mom] got inspired enough to make ghost costumes and thus introduce Kate to yet another “first”: the sewing machine. I’ve heard that shows like Project Runway are fueling a come-back for the sewing machine, so this could be a vital skill for the youngsters. Kate was captivated. After the ghosts, they continued in the home economics curriculum and moved into the kitchen, collaborating on some spectacular sweet potato muffins. It’s fun for us to see the kids creating memories with the grandparents, and for them to finally see Kate’s true colors shine.

We’ve entered a legendary phase of parenting toddlers.  As the lines got blurry between the turbulent two’s and the twin-tastic threes, we initiated the ultimate rite of passage with Sam into big-boy status: potty training. Ok, so some of you are thinking “wow – aren’t they like 9 months late?” Sure, maybe so. But our approach was not to push it too hard until Sam was motivated. And pre-school peer pressure has been a great motivational tool. He’s doing great overall, and Dawn is adeptly handling the sprints to the throne and the “clean-up on aisle 7” issues. Last night, Dawn went back to work at the hospital on the night shift, and despite my best efforts to promote frequent potty-sitting, I encountered the inevitable: the first poopy underwear. The kids had been kinda sad & whiny throughout the night because Mommy was gone. While I’m cleaning Sam up, he again begs for Mommy. When that didn’t work, he asked “is Daisy coming over tonight?  I want Daisy.” Daisy is our 15 year old baby-sitter. We love her, she’s great with the kids, and they love her. But I may have shot a mental arrow or two in her direction when Sam broke down upon learning that no, Daisy wasn’t coming tonight. Sorry - you’re stuck with me to wipe your butt tonight, kid. Dawn’s already handled dozens of these “presents” so I certainly don’t have reason to whine. And when the little angels went to sleep without a peep, I found a way to forgive and forget.  :)

After about 3 months back in the US, and 8 weeks at school, Kate continues to be comfortable and confident at school and church. As I’ve said before, we had no idea what to expect, and tried to prepare for a really tough adjustment. But it’s super cool to see her interact with her little friends and jump right in to new things. We went to a birthday party for one of their preschool classmates, and as we walked in the door, a little girl ran up and squealed “hi Kate!” I didn’t understand what Kate said in response, but they ran off together to fearlessly conquer the two-story tall bouncy slide. This weekend she also conquered her first night away from us! We lined up the babysitters of the year – blake & chrissy – and let them work their magic. Kate had basically no issues. When she woke up at 6:15, she calmly found her way to the master bedroom and just crawled up in bed next to Chrissy, as if she’d done it a hundred times before.  Maybe we'll get used to that arrangement, and shoot for a hundred times more. 

Three Candles

When your child lived in an orphanage for her first 3 years, there’s a lot that you don’t know. We got some information from the orphanage director on the day we met Kate, and our agency gave us some similar info before that. But there are still tons of details that we’ll never know. They told us that she was quite a character – an outgoing little girl who would playfully mimic her care-givers. We see that fun-loving crazy side of Kate a lot, and we love it. Sam loves it too, and it’s great when she propels him into nearly-hysterical laughter. We have zero medical history on her parents, and we don’t know anything about trivial stuff like her dental hygiene in the orphanage. But I have a suspicion that they weren’t exactly a top customer for Crest, so we were a bit nervous about Kate’s first trip to the pediatric dentist today. But like so many other “firsts”, she took it in stride and did great! Amazingly her teeth are in good shape, and she was cool with letting the large, strange man poke around in her mouth.

Speaking of teeth, Kate and Sam were out playing in the yard this week when Dawn heard a shriek. Both kids are certainly fans of squeals, screams, and other high-volume, attention-seeking tactics. But this one sounded a bit different. So Dawn rushed out, thinking maybe Kate got stung by a bee. Kate is crying, Sam is just standing there, so Dawn calmly asks our first-born the logical question, “Sam, what happened?” “I bit her, mommy.” “Well, why did you do that?” “We were at work, like daddy.” It’s nice and cute that they role-play “going to work” like Daddy, but really, what do they think I do all day?

And speaking of work, indulge me for a quick aside on branding.  We met with a “design guru” today at work, and he illustrated the importance of consistent visual design in marketing. My 3 year old son brings this principle to life all the time. We’ll be at a restaurant, full of people, signs, noises… just sensory overload for a kid. And he’ll say, “look Daddy, it’s Coco-coco!” [He’s still fine-tuning the pronunciation.] And Dawn and I scan the landscape, searching until we finally spot a small Coke logo 20 feet away on a menu board or a fountain machine. It’s encouraging for two reasons: first, our consistent marketing is working, and second, maybe his vision will be better than mine!

Sam had his 3rd birthday on Sunday, so with that came a party, a visit with Curious George, and a trip to the doctor for his 3 year check-up. Surprisingly, Sam enjoys going to the “granddaddy doctor”, as he calls him. The doc is not really that old, but he has grey hair, so I guess that does it for Sam. As a part of his exam to measure Sam’s development, he asked him to sing. So Sam busted out “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” with no fear, making us all proud. He also had a visit from a real fireman at his preschool on his birthday. The teacher said most kids were too shy to get on the firetruck, but Sam climbed aboard with no hesitation. He has actually become more shy in some situations than he used to be, but Kate compensates for his timidity. She continues to add phrases to her repertoire, and now will connect several phrases like “hi mommy, how are you? I love you.” And there’s usually a “look, Mommy” not far behind that.

On Saturday, the house was overflowing with pirates, young and old, for Sam’s birthday party. My sister came through in the clutch by scoring some pirate gear not only for herself, but also for me and our parents. The kids loved the treasure hunt around the yard, leading to the treasure chest piñata. The piñata was fun, but it’s strange that piñatas these days seem to be made with titanium strong enough to endure crushing blows from pro wrestlers. And as cute as they were in their pirate costumes, I think the adults were equally entertaining with their eye patches, ear rings, and nasty wigs. Kate didn’t seem to mind at all that it was Sam’s day... maybe because she also got to dress up, eat cake, and help him open the haul of new toys that they’ll lovingly share [or fight to the death for with their pirate swords and pearly whites.]  Another big highlight for all of us was meeting my baby nephew Benjamin! Dawn’s brother Ben is out of the country, protecting our freedom, but Natalie made it to the party with Sam and Kate’s first cousin. Kate just sat by him on the couch and stared at him. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but she is definitely intrigued with babies.  After all the pirates had left, all the presents had been opened, and our kids were crashing from their sugar high, we had a quick debrief with Sam.  "What was your favorite part of the party, Sam?" 
"Um, the candles." 
So I guess all of the other stuff was just to create the right ambience for the $0.69 candles.  At least he's easy to please. 

After a pirate party, cupcakes at school, a funny face pancake at IHOP, and about 10 days of “happy birthday to me” leading up to the big day, the last ingredient in the birthday blow-out was a trip to see the legendary Curious George at the Atlanta children’s museum. Sam usually loves the museum anyway, but with George and his amigo amarillo there, he was fired up! Kate enjoyed the George exhibit, but we should have known she would love the global orchard exhibit, complete with a John Deere tractor, shopping carts, and kitchen [grow it, buy it, fry it]. We also saw an older African American boy at the museum with albinism, and I wondered “will Kate notice?” But at her age, does she even know that she’s different than most Chinese-born folks? He was running around, having a blast, and I thought “well, maybe he’ll notice Kate, since he’s older than her.” Or maybe there’s an unspoken bond, or a secret handshake. But then he whizzed by with his shopping cart, accidentally knocking her to the ground. She didn’t glare at him, or throw her hands up to say “hey, we’ve gotta stick together, man!” She just got up, collected her carrots, and sped off with her cart. Just like the other kids.

 

Out and about

“The pirate costume contest will begin in 15 minutes.” The announcer’s words got the adrenaline flowing. Almost game time. Well, the kids were still trying to choose which pony to ride, but at least my adrenaline was going. Earlier in the day, we had discussed several options for a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Then Dawn came across a flyer she had picked up at the Smyrna community center. The two word headline was all we needed to see: “Pirate Festival.” A “luxury retirement community” just down the street plans free events [good for the kids, and old folks like kids, so everybody’s happy]. We didn’t even know they’d have free food and free pony rides! Sure, the pirate music in the background had references to bottles of rum and bosoms, but the kids didn’t ask any provocative questions, so we’re good. “Two minutes until the contest,” came the reminder. Just the night before, Dawn & I watched a 20/20 special on albinism. For new readers, people with albinism have less pigment than most people in their skin, eyes, & hair, and our daughter Kate has moderate albinism. We were disappointed that the 20/20 show didn’t focus much at all on people who have overcome obstacles of albinism to accomplish great things. But I wasn’t really surprised – the extreme issues in Tanzania and outliers here probably drive ratings more than feel good stories, and certainly more than stories of people with albinism who live normal lives. Maybe the show had fueled my competitive fire a bit, so I wanted Sam and Kate – a Chinese-born orphan with albinism nonetheless – to kick some costume tail. They lined up with about 15 other kids [and maybe a grown-up pirate or two] and waited patiently while the judges sized them up. After walking around to take pics and check out the competition, I got worried and walked back to Dawn to whisper in Spanish [it’s our secret code language] that “if you want them to win, we may need to shove some of these scrub kids out of the way so the judges can see them.” She calmly replied “I think it’s ok – they’ve noticed them.” This is probably the first sign that I’ll be one of those obnoxious hyper-competitive parents who makes their kid do one-armed pushups when they blow an open shot on goal.


“And our third place winner…” She walks toward Sam and points him out, motioning for him to step forward and claim his prize. We gush with pride; he sheepishly accepts. Of course we’re thrilled, but we quickly feel sorry for Kate. Does the adopted kid have to come in behind her brother? Is it the albinism? “And in second place…” Another proud pirate claimed her prize while we waited… “And our first place pirate…” is Kate! Take that, 20/20! Where’s the video camera when you need it? Shortly after the victory, we actually did feel bad that they got two separate prizes for wearing pretty similar costumes. Maybe the judges saw my game face and gave it to Kate out of fear.

After stashing the spoils of victory at home and quickly shedding the pirate gear, we hopped back in the car for adventure #3 of a busy day. [We took Kate on her first trip to my 92 year old grandmother’s house that morning.] Off we go to Piedmont Park to meet up with some old friends and introduce them to Kate. We found our way to the “Mayor’s Grove Playground”: a paradise for kids with atlanta’s premier playground equipment. It seemed like a sea of kids were running everywhere, launching off slides, swings, and siblings, while parents like us struggled to keep the kids in our sights. Kate and Sam jumped right in the action. I don’t know if Kate’s orphanage environment was equally frenetic, but it still surprises me a bit that she has no hesitation to run full-speed into an unknown environment with unknown kids speaking a new language. She and Sam wouldn’t really greet any of our friends at first, just like they refused to growl out their “ahoy, mateys” at the pirate festival. But I guess that’s just an adult’s view of the toddler style: no fear in conquering a new playground, but all of these old people are freaking me out.

If pony rides, exotic animals, and, of course, corn dogs are significant contributors to quality of life among toddlers, then it was a good week. Beyond Saturday’s events, the kids checked out the north Georgia state fair, visited Zoo Atlanta with some friends, went to a pumpkin patch on their first ever school field trip, and Sam scoped out the dinosaur exhibit at Fernbank. They had a good time at the zoo, as always. Kate demonstrated her impressive and growing list of animals that she can identify by name in English. Sam likes a lot of the animals, but I think we could leave him at the giraffe exhibit for hours and he might not know we left. I love their enthusiasm about the experience: “guys, did you see the lion?” Sam: “yes! ROAR!!” Kate joins in from across the room. “ROAR!!”

Sam was equally enamored with the dinosaurs at Fernbank. [Thanks to our friend Chris for telling us about the Bank of America special: show your BofA check/credit card for a free ticket at 7 museums on the first weekend of each month.]. Sam’s pre-historic excursion with Dawn allowed me to test the waters with Kate. She wasn’t thrilled when she woke up and realized that she was stuck with me, but she got over it and we had fun at the park.

If the mission at the pirate festival was costume glory, then the mission at the north Georgia state fair was exquisite, hard-to-find, deep-fried goodness. Preferably in the form of cheesecake. The kids worked up an appetite for fair food by trying out the helicopter, speed boat, and Nemo ride, and strolling through the assortment of zoo & farm animals. Kate got scared in the petting zoo, but Sam made me proud: first, he showed his sensitive side by encouraging the bunnies to “take a drink of water”, first with words and then with sign language. They heeded his advice and hopped over to hydrate. Then he showed his bravery by feeding a camel right out of his hand, even after the camel munched a bit on his Converse! At dinner Kate enjoyed her first corn dog, but her favorite fair items were not the food, the animals, or the rides – they were the 4-wheelers that the staff were driving. Every time they’d drive by, she’d get our attention and sign “drive”. My favorite request was when a motorized wheelchair cruised by, and sure enough, Kate predictably looked up at me, said “ba-ba” [daddy in mandarin] and signed desperately to take the wheel. She still uses a lot of signs, but her speech continues to develop well. Sam is still training her in the essential toddler phrases, like “that hurts me” and “I need that.” When they went to the pumpkin patch with their pre-school, they both loved the tractor and wanted to sit on it. After Sam had his turn, he ventured off to see the pumpkins, but Kate just stood right next to it, and after each kid dismounted, interjected with another bread-and-butter phrase: “my turn.”