A Sweet Reunion

A little over a year ago, when we were in the middle of waiting to go and get our Kate, I made a really cool connection through the internet.  There was a family from Iowa, in China, getting their daughter from Kate's orphanage.  That little girl just happened to be Kate's best friend.  They had been together in the same orphanage since they were nearly newborns.  After connecting with her mom, she sent me pictures of Kate (which while you are waiting is such a God-send) and we developed a relationship.  They had gone to visit the orphanage about a week after adopting their Leah.  The nannies had come out with Kate saying that she wanted to see Leah, she had been asking about her and missing her.  They took several pictures of them together and that was the last time they saw each other.... until now!

Kate and I went to Iowa for a visit a couple of weeks ago and had a wonderful time.  Kate said that she remembered Leah and they hugged each other right away.  (Disclaimer:  Kate also says that she had a pink horse in China, but I'd like to believe her anyway...)  Within minutes of arriving at Leah's house, they were in the floor wrestling, like they'd never been apart. 

Leah's mom, Anne Marie, and I totally hit it off, and I'm sure we'll be friends forever.  Leah has 3 siblings and Kate thoroughly enjoyed being a part of a big family.  She seemed to bond with each of the children.  Leah's family was entertained by Kate's southern accent, and we all were amazed at how similar Kate and Leah's facial expressions are. 

Many people have asked me if they spoke English or Chinese to each other.  English.  I don't think either of them speak, or understand Mandarin anymore.

Another amazing connection happened while in Iowa.  Anne Marie and I were looking on the internet for other kids that have been adopted from the same orphanage.  It is pretty small, as far as Chinese orphanages go, about 70 kids.  I found a picture of a 13 year old girl who was adopted by a family from Indiana in December.  When I saw her, I immediately recognized her as the girl who handed Kate over to me on our adoption day.  I emailed her mom, and said, "I'm almost positive your daughter is the girl who gave me my daughter.  Can you ask her about a 3 year old girl with albinism, who's name was Mao Mao?"  (BTW, Kate was not named for Chairman Mao.  Mao Mao is a nickname that can mean fair-haired.)  The mom responded back and said, yes, her daughter was the one!  She had been chosen to come with Kate on adoption day because they had a special relationship and she loved Kate very much.  As you can imagine, we are thrilled to have another connection to Kate's past.  Especially one who knows what their life was like in the orphanage and can fill in some of their past that has been totally unknown to us.

A few months back I started a yahoo group for families who have adopted, or are in the process of adopting, from Huizhou, China.  It is a neat way to learn about the orphanage, keep up with our children's friends and especially for those who are waiting, a link to their child.  There are now 15 families in this group!  I am so encouraged that so many of these waiting children are finding their forever families.

Spring celebrations

We’ve had challenges and frustrations with our 2 kids, just like every family, but there are times when they’re so entertaining and sweet that you forget all about the moments of high blood pressure. Their recent introduction to tai chi was an event to remember. The Year of the Tiger began in February, and we’ve had two Chinese Spring Festival [AKA New Year] celebrations. Our first was a family affair on Chinese New Year’s Eve, and a few weeks ago we went to a dinner with the Atlanta chapter of Families with Children from China [FCC]. It was a great night full of Chinese food, cultural expression, and about 325 other people from families who have also adopted from China. I was really impressed by a steady parade of Chinese-born children on stage performing some traditional Chinese dances , and Kate & Sam were equally mesmerized by the bright colors of their outfits and synchronized moves. Toward the end, a man took the stage with a small group of kids and demonstrated some tai chi moves. After his main demonstration ended, he invited any kid to come on stage and show their stuff. I encouraged Sam and Kate, thinking they would certainly prefer to sit back and watch since they were on the younger end. But Sam tried out a few moves near our table, and quickly decided his skills were ready for the stage. Kate followed her brother with no second thought, and they were chopping, stomping, breathing, & pushing to their heart’s content [and their parents’ delight.] It was a great end to a great night, and we’re excited to have a community of similar families who are also interested in preserving our daughters’ Chinese heritage. Our first family dinner was a simpler affair, without traditional costumes & tai chi, but still a very cool night to bring in our first Chinese New Year with our families.

Last weekend we took our first family getaway since we brought Kate home. And getaway is defined as an overnight stay not in a family member’s house. So we packed up and headed north to Chattanooga.  Did we succumb to the mandate of 785 billboards, and “See Rock City”? Nope. We didn’t visit the TN Aquarium, either, or Ruby Falls. We focused more on railroads & choo-choos. The Incline was cool – the kids were not scared in the least by “the world’s steepest passenger railway.” But despite its uniqueness & breath-taking views, it may have been trumped by the hotel pool & hot tub. On Sunday we visited the Tennessee Valley Railway, where we rode in a real passenger car with a steam engine. It’s billed as the “largest operating historic railroad in the Southeast,” and it did feel like we stepped onto the set of a 1950’s movie. It’s fun when your kids are so happy that it makes you happy too.

Their obsession with animals, farms, & horses continues. Actually, it’s just Sam who has an obsession. Kate enjoys them all, but she maintains a healthier appreciation, more balanced with other little girl delights like hair bows, new shoes, and Hello Kitty. Sam has tried to branch out, with a newfound affection for Toy Story, but even then, Cowboy Woody brings him back to the Wild West. He now routinely introduces himself to adult strangers by saying ““My name is Cowboy Tuff, but when I’m in trouble, it’s Sam.” They love to visit the various farms in the extended family, and on a recent visit to Dawn’s Uncle Stan’s farm, both of them mounted a horse solo [with an adult manning the reins]. If I need a quick parenting aid, I can’t go wrong with horse-jumping videos on YouTube. This past Friday they went to the UGA Veterinary School’s Open House, where they got to watch someone milk a cow, and they suited up in hospital scrubs while the students performed surgery on their stuffed animals.

Both Sam and Kate are really enjoying their gymnastics class, and we think we may be on to something with Kate. Her flexibility and agility seem off the charts, combined with a fearless [reckless] attitude that can raise the heart rate of even the laid-back parents. I think Bela Karolyi’s gymnastics camp accepts girls age 7 and up, so we’ve got 3 years and change to get her ready and on track for the 2024 Olympics. At a recent gymnastics class, Sam asked Dawn why two of his friends weren’t there, and she explained that they had spring break. That night, he informed me that Eliza & Shipley weren’t at class because "their spring broke."

In two weeks, Dawn & Kate will journey to Iowa to visit Kate’s best friend from their orphanage. Her friend Leah was adopted about a year ago, so I don’t really expect that they’ll remember much [I mean, that’s like 25% of her life]. But we’re excited to build that relationship and maintain a really cool connection. Over the past few months, we took Kate to two different places for evaluations: the Center for the Visually Impaired, and our county school system for Early Intervention. Both places basically told us that she doesn’t really qualify for the services, because her needs for vision & speech are not great enough. We thought that Early Intervention would accelerate her speech development, but they told us that she’s doing well for a 3 yr old who’s been here 8 months. We’re proud of the progress she’s made and how she continues to adapt to new environments.

We had a blast today celebrating Easter for the first time with Kate. Dawn’s Aunt Kathy hosted the 20+ person crowd, and our 2 youngsters were the only kids, and therefore the default stars of the show. We’re excited to introduce Kate to the powerful meaning of Easter, and we’re privileged to celebrate with lots of our family. The egg hunt was a lot of fun, and a bit less competitive than the Smyrna community hunt from last year, since there were just two kids to gather up 50 eggs. And Sam, I mean Cowboy Tuff, wouldn’t even touch the pink ones. A lot of things change from one generation to the next, but it seems that a cowboy still wouldn’t be caught dead with pink.

Six Months In

So it’s been a while since we last checked in. Sorry about that. But rather than waste your time with some rambling rationale, let’s jump right in to the highlights. We brought Kate home 6 months ago on July 30. We had our first “post-adoption check-in” with our social worker this week, and it looks like they’re going to let us keep her. Kate has made wonderful progress, but a lot of it is gradual and sometimes tough to capture with a snapshot. We’ve fattened her up a bit and put some more hair on her head: +5 lbs, + almost 3 inches in height, and her hair looks moderately less boyish. She got over her grudge against her grandmothers and other family members. She jumped right in to new environments at school and at church, and seems to have no trouble making friends there. She’s making good progress with English. I’d say she understands 80%+ of what we say, and we understand about the same from her. Obviously she’s behind Sam in vocabulary, pronunciation, etc, but there are some weeks when she really advances. It’s cool to see how far she’s come in 6 months starting from absolutely zero English. One year ago we were reading through the packet of information from the orphanage about this precious little girl who liked to impersonate her care-givers and seemed to be the life of the party. We had a tough time seeing that side of Kate when she was catatonic those first few days in China, but it only took a few days back home for her to show her true colors. We’re so proud of her and how she’s adjusted to a whole new world.

On her first Thanksgiving, she put that vibrant personality on full display for the 30 person audience at Dawn’s grandmother’s house. With everyone gathered in the living room, she practiced her gymnastics routine and showed off her neck-breaker flip, before taking several deep bows to the delight of her crowd. Sam didn’t want to be shown up, of course, so he strategically waited to siege the stage until Kate took her nap. Then he launched into a performance of his own. Channeling the tent revival preachers of the Bible belt, he riffed off of the chorus of a popular praise song, shouting “glory to God for Aunt Ju-Ju, glory to God for Uncle Stan.” After working up a sweat and lifting up every member of the family, we realized that we have a pretty dynamic set of virtual twins.

Kate’s first Christmas was definitely one to remember. We’re fortunate to have almost all of our family members within a 90 minute drive [except Uncle Ben and Aunt Natalie]. The kids were certainly pumped about Santa. Throughout December, Sam asked us many times a day “is it Christmas Eve time when Santa Claus comes?” I think their excitement will grow for the next few years, along with their comprehension. That comprehension thing became clear when Sam asked us his familiar question on Christmas Day, late in the afternoon. “When is Christmas Eve time, when Santa Claus comes?” “Well, buddy, he came last night. That’s where your train table came from.” “Oh, but I didn’t see him.” So, we have some room to grow in the imagination department.  Who know how much of the whole thing Kate understood, but she was certainly very enthusiastic about it all.  She is generally enthusiasitc about nearly everything, so that was even more pronounced around the holidays.  She sang a song for the entire family on Christmas Eve (with her microphone).  We adopted her a month after her birthday this year, so this was the first time she had ever opened more than one gift at a time, and she did so with gusto!

During our adoption application, our parents had to commit to treating our adopted daughter just like our biological child. And at Christmas, they certainly lived up to this promise and went above & beyond. Dawn’s parents assembled a complete dress-up wardrobe for each kid, with everything from Diego to Ariel and a cowboy to Snow White. Our future thespians thoroughly enjoy dressing up and acting out roles/characters with gusto! My parents and sister celebrated the first Christmas with a grand-daughter [& niece] by passing on a family heirloom of sorts. My folks bought a dollhouse for my sister Sharon about 25 years ago, but Dad and Sharon took it to a whole new level for Kate. They installed working doors, tile floors, and hundreds of stained shingles to create a true masterpiece. So far the house has survived its first month with 3 year old “landlords” with no noticeable injuries. And to ensure equal treatment for Sam, my dad cooked up some magic from his own Santa’s workshop, and made Sam a tractor and trailer patterned after Burt’s pumpkin farm. Sam was thrilled with this all-important addition to his farm, since he’s determined to be either a cowboy or farmer when he grows up.

The cowboy and farmer are both companions of the horse, and Sam is OBSESSED with horses. His 4th birthday will be in October, but he’s already inviting his friends at church & school to his cowboy birthday party. We’ve rented tons of books and movies from the Smyrna library about horses, cowboys, and the Old West, and Sam can’t get enough. He loves to role play as the farmer, and adults are relegated to the top animal roles. Our babysitter, a 15 year old girl, came in last week and Sam said, “hi Daisy! You’re a COW!” His intentions were surely harmless, and she took it in stride, but I gave him some quick tips about the harmful repercussions of such accusations. The other day we all went to the eye doctor. When I walked back into the waiting room full of adults, my son greeted me from across the room by saying “you’re a good horse.” I guess it’s better to be a good horse than a bad dad. Kate is a bit more balanced in her affections. She plays cowboys and farmers along with Sam, but also enjoys cooking in her kitchen, taking care of her babies (with expertise I’m sure she learned in the orphanage), and doing puzzles. When we first got Kate, I literally think she had never seen a puzzle before, she had no idea what to do with it. Now, not only are puzzles one of her favorite things to do, she’s actually gotten really good at them!

Some tests have determined that Kate has some hearing deficits. So she misses some sounds and may have trouble pronouncing those sounds. We’ve started the process with Early Intervention to get some speech therapy going. Our ENT believed that the hearing deficits are due to a ruptured ear drum, probably from an ear infection when she was younger. We were pretty surprised when the doc discovered the hearing issue, because Kate seems to hear trains when they’re 10 miles away in Marietta. We did know that she has some vision deficiencies because of the albinism, so we took Kate to a pediatric ophthalmologist in the August. He didn’t mention immediate steps we should take but we recently learned about some good resources through the Center for the Visually Impaired [CVI]. It’s pretty eye opening [sorry] for our kids to be around folks who have much bigger vision challenges. Her case of albinism is certainly milder than many, and it doesn’t seem to be much of an issue at school yet. We have another assessment in a few weeks, and she may qualify for a weekly class at CVI to help strengthen her weaknesses. Dawn is doing a fantastic job leading the charge to help Kate adjust and get the resources & advocacy she needs. And Sam came home from CVI requesting a walking stick because he thought the “kids who couldn’t see with their eyes” were really cool.

People often ask me how Sam & Kate are getting along, and I usually say that they act like I think normal 3 year old twins would act. Which means that they hug & giggle in one minute and then claw & scratch the next. But I interpret that to mean that we’ve settled into a normal relationship, and they both miss the other one when they’re apart. Sam introduces Kate sometimes as his sister, sometimes as his twin sister, and other times as his wife. We’ll work out the details as we go.

We’re committed to building Kate’s understanding of Chinese culture and her Chinese heritage, so we’ve been reading some books about Chinese New Year and stuff. (The Year of the Tiger starts in 2 weeks; does that mean Mr. Woods will make a recovery?) Kate really seems to take pride in her native country so far. When we pay her a compliment like “aww, Kate, you’re sweet” or “what a pretty girl”, Kate will quickly rebut it with “no, Kate’s Chinese!” Yes, Kate, that too.

One of the challenging parts of learning English is mastering the slang, so we’ve worked hard to accelerate the learning in this critical area. Lately when I leave for work, Kate wishes me well with a “Peace, Dad” and flashes the sideways peace sign with a healthy dose of swagger. Makes me so proud it almost brings a tear.